The craziness is just one of the things that makes you beautiful, Stephanie.
Your writing makes me consider you as a more complete human being. There are certainly those of us out there watching your life thinking your choices are wholly unconsidered. The blog drives home the fact that you are, in fact, a very thoughtful and reflective person.
Still, you do live more dramatically than a good portion of the population. For myself, I’ve found peace. For me, that is pure satisfaction. Somehow, when you started the quest of life, you got pointed in an entirely different direction. I don’t know that love or happiness or joy are sustainable states of being. I do know that you will be unable to stop chasing them until they are found or you are dead. Honestly, in my mind, that is in no way a fault. It’s not a choice. It’s who you are. If there are these things to be had, it is surely you who will find them. It’s just a shame that the highs come with lows and the good with the bad.
Colin (my ex-husband) always makes me think of this poem:
"When you are old and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book
And slowly read and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep.
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face.
And bending down beside the glowing bars
Murmur, a little sad, ‘From us fled Love.
He paced upon the mountains far above,
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.’"
Thank you, Colin. I know you’ll hate me posting the note you wrote, and may prevent you from doing so again. So, go ahead and roll your eyes, but don’t stop writing me.